The Career - Are You Married To Your Job?

Excerpt From Mid-Life Joyride……

There are those, who for a variety of reasons never took the Expressway to Matrimony but chose instead, to travel a parallel road, by still making a long-lasting commitment at a different, non-traditional altar.

The Career – Are you married to your job?

Having a successful career is an amazing accomplishment, but it often comes with a price. The highest toll can often be your time. Working long days, weekends, and even through holidays does not afford many opportunities to meet and fall in love. (Unless of course, you fall madly for the cute Fed Ex driver who always picks up your last-minute deadline filings or the girl in the next cubicle who works with her headphones on and doesn’t know you exist.) If your typical Friday night date is your Excel spreadsheet or revenue reports, you may have traded a wedding ring for a three-ring binder. (Do they even make three-ring binders anymore?)

Is this a bad thing? Not at all. You should be very proud of the ladder rungs you have climbed. This is especially true if you own the ladder. Let’s look at some successful singles. On the modern female side, right at the top, of course, is Oprah Winfrey. She is romantically linked with Stedman Graham; however, she has decisively remained unmarried in order to run her business and her life on her own terms. She knew the demands of her career and vision would not coincide with the emotional and time commitments of a marriage. Going back in history a bit, we find Clara Barton who was born in 1821 in North Oxford, Massachusetts. She became interested in nursing at the age of ten when her brother, David, fell off the roof of a barn and was severely injured. The doctors gave little hope of survival, but she was diligent in her care and he made a full recovery. She went on to be a nurse in the Civil War and eventually founded the American Red Cross. Legend has it she received three proposals but decided never to marry.

Being from eastern North Carolina, I am especially drawn to two adventurous men who decided not to get married, Wilbur and Orville Wright. The Wright Brothers successfully built and flew the first airplane in Kitty Hawk. They were not twins but spent their entire lives working together on planes and air travel. Wilbur was once heard saying he did not have time for both his airplanes and a wife. A more modern, recognizable bachelor, and one of my favorite actors, is Owen Wilson. He has been romantically linked with several beautiful women but never made it as far as marriage. He attempted suicide in 2007, reportedly over a crushing breakup, but we all know how the Hollywood rumor mill operates. It is also reported that his father, Robert Wilson, who was a television producer and advertising executive, died after a long bout with Alzheimer’s disease. My point is, you never truly know another’s story or the battles they face. Even “famous” people struggle with life’s twists and turns. Marriage can sometimes be the last thing on their minds. Owen, if you are reading this, I’m a huge fan (and single myself). Feel free to look me up…

Running your own business or carving your own path highlights dedication and commitment. In fact, if there was a way to harness and transfer those qualities, like a business model for relationships, there would be great advancements in how we view finding a partner. Think about this impressive dating resume: disciplined, confident, open-minded, passionate, creative, strong work ethic, loyal, determined. I would absolutely hire that guy for a life traveling companion. Of course, not everyone is fortunate enough to run and own a company, but many have still worked their way to the top with a grand view of the horizon.

Another perk for having worked your way into singleness is financial security. (Ironically, this is sometimes the exact opposite of how your finances end up after a divorce.) Being self-sufficient is important at any age and of particular value as we get older and face retirement. We all want to avoid becoming a burden both physically and financially to our loved ones. Many of those who never married have saved consistently throughout their younger years to accumulate a comfortable nest egg by this time in their life. Single or not, it is an important issue. I know of a woman in her late fifties, who after living with her boyfriend for only a year, was kicked out when he returned to his wife. (That’s material for another chapter.) She literally was on the street with nothing and nowhere to go.

While some say it is lonely at the top, I say having success can be sexy. There are dating sites specifically designed for prosperous, accomplished singles. The Bachelor and The Bachelorette are two highly popular reality dating television programs that showcase the allure of sensual success. Confidence and owning your place in this world is hard to fake. People are drawn to positive energy. If you have achieved these characteristics through hard work and dedication, good for you! Be proud of this triumphant destination. You may have sacrificed part of your life to get where you are, but look where you are!

Now is the time to relax a little and enjoy the rewards of your hard work. Take time to find someone with whom to share those rewards. A word of caution: be careful when explaining your current corporate/financial status when meeting someone for the first time. Unfortunately, there are those who would view you as a meal ticket and ask to hitch a ride. Never become someone’s financial Uber driver. Be aware of a person’s intentions before getting too far down the road. You are in a great position to attract someone with like-minded goals and work ethic. There are social and civic organizations that encourage and highlight other professionals like you. Reach out and become involved with them. This is not a guarantee of finding love, but it is a great resource. It is also a way to give back to those coming up behind you. Whenever you have any measure of success (whether professionally or personally), you should always take the time to share your inspirational story and path.

Choosing a solid career path puts you in a great position for your upcoming retirement years. If you have accomplished the work goals you set many years ago, rejoice! You are now ready, if you choose, to trade a lot of work hard for a lot of play hard.